Be Empowered to Live your Best Life

What comes to your mind when you think of wellbeing? I think of wellbeing as feeling good about all areas of your life. This would be considered a holistic or “whole person” approach to examining a person’s wellbeing. According to the Google, holistic means exactly that or their wordier definition: comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole. What wellbeing actually means, again according to the Google, is the state of being happy, healthy, or comfortable. In addition, it is also a general term for the condition of a person socially, psychologically, economically, spiritually, or physically looking at all areas of a person’s life. Generally, if you have a high level of wellbeing you are meeting all of these needs and lead a generally positive life. This encompasses a holistic approach.

Other approaches to examining wellbeing include a needs-based approach. Abraham Maslow developed a Hierarchy of Needs, which is a needs-based approach to the wellbeing of a person. Maslow believed that people are motivated to meet certain needs and some needs are more important than other needs that lead to wellbeing. The needs include physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, self-esteem needs, and self-actualization. Maslow diagrammed the needs to look like a pyramid because the needs build on each other. 

Maslow postulated that these needs served as motivation to strive for self-actualization, which could be the pinnacle of wellbeing. The most basic needs such as food, water, shelter, and clothing must be achieved before safety can be considered and you certainly are not trying to self-actualize if you have nowhere to live. This relates to wellbeing because if you do not have a place to live or feel unsafe or are unstable that affects your overall happiness and ability to function in life. Therefore, having your needs met contributes to your wellbeing in a positive way. 

Examining wellbeing from a holistic approach rather than a needs-based approach looks at different categories of wellbeing. The categories include financial, social, career, physical, and community. In the financial category we look at things like how you are managing your money, paying your bills, and living within your means. In the social area we look at the strength of your relationships, and presence or absence of love in your life. The career category looks at how much you like what you do for your job and whether you are striving to create a career that you love. The physical category has to do with your health. We look at whether your behaviors promote good health and give you energy to get the things you want to do done. Finally, we examine community and whether or not you have a sense of engagement with the area in which you live. Rather than each need building on itself like in Maslow’s theory, this approach looks at wellbeing as circular and each part adds to the value of a person’s wellbeing. 

An alternative approach to wellbeing also uses a category approach. The categories include social wellbeing, mental wellbeing, physical wellbeing, and spiritual wellbeing. The categories of social and physical wellbeing look at the same areas described above. Mental wellbeing can be considered a state in which someone is emotionally and behaviorally functioning at a level that adds to her/his/their life. Spiritual wellbeing is considered to be your connectedness with something greater than yourself, whether that is from religion or the universe or however you define it. 

All of these ideas connect and overlap with each other to form how I approach assessing a person’s wellbeing. There are many aspects to it and I believe that there are ways to improve wellbeing in order to live a life that is fulfilling and functional. There are common themes I see amongst my clients that keep them from developing a positive wellbeing. I draw from their experiences in the hopes that you may relate and improve your wellbeing so that you too can have a fulfilling and functioning life. 

These are my 7 ways to improve wellbeing:

1. Accept you can only do so much.

Whether you are holding down a full-time job and raising a family and organizing the PTA raffle and the church raffle and trying to have a social life and connecting with your partner and ALL the THINGS something is going to have to give. I often see my clients neglecting important areas of their life in order to do all the things. But you cannot. You cannot let your life falter because you feel you have to be there for everybody when something is asked of you. It is important to create boundaries with people because you can only do so much without dropping the balls in your life. When you accept that you can only do so much, it creates space for you to really be present and enjoy the things you want to include in your life. 

This can also apply to those of us who are perfectionists. Being a perfectionist is really hard. You are hard on yourself when you do not do things perfectly, which, by the way, is self-imposed since perfect does not exist. You are also hard on others who do not meet your perfect standards or expectations. Perfectionism can be isolating. People do not like to feel that they are inferior and certainly do not like their faults pointed out, especially when they feel that what they have contributed is “good enough.” Learning to accept that good enough is actually enough leads to feeling a bit more relaxed. You no longer have such a weight on your shoulders and you begin to realize that you can only do so much. And that is good enough.

2. Stop doing things you do not really want to do.

This tip is intertwined with the first one. When you begin accepting that you can only do so much you begin weeding out things you do not actually like to do. It is really hard for some folks to say no to people though. “People pleasing” is a real thing and a lot of people suffer from it. When someone afflicted with people pleasing says no to a request anxiety begins to develop. In order to ease the anxiety, people pleasers have learned to just say yes to everything with complete disregard for their own needs and wants. Learning to say no to the things you do not want to do will, in time, decrease anxiety. How, you ask? Before you created the boundaries to say no to the things you did not want to do, you had double anxiety – anxiety about saying no and then anxiety about doing something you really did not want to be involved in in the first place. After you have learned how to create boundaries around how you spend your time you will not feel the anxiety around doing something you do not want to do. As you practice keeping your boundaries and saying no when you want to, that anxiety will begin to dissipate as well. It will take time for you to be comfortable with asserting your boundaries, but you will get there and it will be amazing!

3. Conquer your fears.

Fear keeps you stuck. Not all fears need to necessarily be “conquered” but the fears that interfere with you living a fulfilling and functional life do. Many of my clients fear change and because of that fear they are stuck. Change is scary (I know and I get it) but staying stuck to me is even scarier. There are several things that you can do to limit fear holding you back from making the changes need to have the life you want. One is to involve as many people as you feel comfortable with to cheer you on while you make changes. Having support is definitely a game changer while you conquer your fears and make changes in your life. Two is to write the fears down and create a change versus staying the same benefit list. For example, if you want to further your education and go to college but fear failure what would be the benefit of change (having a degree, being able to earn more money, having a career rather than a job, enjoying what you do, etc.) then what would be the benefit of staying the same (not failing, staying at a job you are familiar with even though it may suck, having an excuse for not having a better job, not having to deal with all the things that are required of going back to school, etc.). Now look at your lists and decide whether or not you should conquer your fear of failure. 

4. Gratitude before attitude.

Gratitude means the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Attitude has several meanings but this one pertains most aptly: a resentful or antagonistic manner. Beginning each day from a place of gratitude can create a positive mindset that will permeate throughout your whole day. Beginning each day with an attitude will also permeate your whole day. You choose how to carry yourself through your world; it can either be positive or negative. You can be thankful that you are breathing another day or you can be resentful that you were dealt an unfair hand in life. It is up to you, but if you are trying to increase your well-being it would behoove you to establish an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful that you have another day to improve the quality of your wellbeing. 

5. Give and receive love.

This one can be really hard for some people especially if you have had your heart broken. Being hurt sometimes causes a person to close his/her/their heart to giving and receiving love. Love however, is the most basic human need you have and shutting it down most certainly negatively effects your wellbeing. Sometimes that might mean you love from afar because a person might be toxic and that is how you protect your heart. You still love that person but you do not want to deal with the drama. Perhaps you have a family member you do not really like - that does not mean you do not love them. Just because you do not necessarily like a person does not mean you do not love them or that you cannot receive love back. It is important to separate the behavior from the person. Love is a fundamental human emotion; it is beneficial to your wellbeing. As Alfred Lord Tennyson said “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.”

6. Stop comparing your life to others.

There is a meme on the Facebook and Instagram that says something like “do not compare your life to someone's highlight reel” meaning that what you see is never the whole story. There is always going to be someone better than you. It is just a fact of life. Your life’s goal should not be trying to make your life better than someone’s highlight reel on social media. You do not know what is happening behind the scenes of that post. Your life’s purpose should be to be the best you that you can be because there is not another you out there. It is easy to get caught up in wishing your life was like someone else’s but that comparison can really dampen your well-being. If you are constantly comparing your life it will never be good enough and you are enough. Please do not forget that.

7. Self-care

Enough cannot be said about the importance of self-care for your well-being. The definition of self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own wellbeing and happiness, particularly during times of stress. Self-care can be anything that you want that feels good to you. It could be taking your dogs for a walk, smelling the roses, riding your motorcycle in the mountains, a spa day, journaling, reading a book, listening to music, watching mindless television or your favorite documentary, or insert your favorite thing that rejuvenates you. Taking care of your needs allows you to have energy to take care of the needs of others. I heard somewhere on social media that “you cannot give from an empty cup.” Self-care fills up your cup, helps you become resilient from stress, and most importantly improves your wellbeing.

I hope this list of tips helps you improve your wellbeing. As always I am here for you if you need more help in improving you wellbeing in order to live a fulfilling and functional life – just give me a call 770-609-3014.